Living Picture Narrative
It was not a perfect story, to begin with. I was not born with a natural talent for dance nor for performing. I had a strong fear that I was never going to be as good as everyone around me, not to mention the stage fright that paralyzed me when in front of three or a hundred people. I began dancing at the age of four. I was a very shy person during this time, and I was afraid of speaking to people and being in front of large crowds. Being so young caused a lot of pressure to keep up with those who were more experienced. This caused a lot of discomfort and anxiety when practicing because everyone around me always knew more. However, through various years, and hours of practice, I was able to become literate in dance. I am proud to say that dancing is one of my proudest achievements, and it all began fourteen years ago.
I danced at one of my first recitals at the age of seven alongside some of my best friends. We wore dresses of all colors, decorated with a variety of ribbons. (photograph was taken by Juan Medina)
I was four years old when my mom took me to my first Folklorico dance practice. Going to dance was supposed to help me embrace my Hispanic culture. My mom wanted to ensure I had something, other than language, to tie me to my culture. Folklorico is a type of dance that is supposed to represent the different views of beauty and entertainment within the different regions in Mexico. Although she had good intentions, as soon as I arrived to my first practice, I felt so out of place. Everyone around me was so much older than me, and for a small four-year-old, it was terrifying. Everyone had their group of friends, they all knew how to dance the songs and seemed to know the simplest steps that I simply could not grasp. I stood there hoping my mom would see how uncomfortable I was and pull me out of the class, but thankfully that is not what she did. I was forced to continue going to practices until one day I went to practice willingly. I began to enjoy the sounds of my shoes hitting the floor as I danced different steps, I found beauty in the delicacy of the skirt work as it flowed in the air, and I began to truly appreciate the way that my heritage was being expressed through dance.
With my newly found appreciation for Folklorico, I gained more motivation to practice more in order to improve my dancing. I began by learning the footwork and slowly incorporating skirt work, and little by little I began to improve. I went to extra classes and stayed after practice to get more help. My older classmates helped me tremendously with the footsteps by teaching me how important it was to bend my knees in order to get better balance and help with faster footwork. Once I was able to get the steps down, I began to incorporate skirt work into my routine. This was the most difficult part for me because I had to count the beats in my head, ensure my footwork was right, and then also move my arms in a specific pattern depending on the song. The skirt work and counting the beats was more difficult for others to teach me because it was something I just had to practice on my own. So, in order to master this skill, I began practicing everywhere. I practiced in my room, in my front yard, at family parties, and even while grocery shopping with my family. Needless to say my family was not pleased with the attention that got. As I continued practicing, I realized that Folklorico wasn’t as difficult as I made it out to be in my mind. Although I wasn’t completely literate in dancing yet, I was slowly building towards it as I practiced.
I was four years old when my mom took me to my first Folklorico dance practice. Going to dance was supposed to help me embrace my Hispanic culture. My mom wanted to ensure I had something, other than language, to tie me to my culture. Folklorico is a type of dance that is supposed to represent the different views of beauty and entertainment within the different regions in Mexico. Although she had good intentions, as soon as I arrived to my first practice, I felt so out of place. Everyone around me was so much older than me, and for a small four-year-old, it was terrifying. Everyone had their group of friends, they all knew how to dance the songs and seemed to know the simplest steps that I simply could not grasp. I stood there hoping my mom would see how uncomfortable I was and pull me out of the class, but thankfully that is not what she did. I was forced to continue going to practices until one day I went to practice willingly. I began to enjoy the sounds of my shoes hitting the floor as I danced different steps, I found beauty in the delicacy of the skirt work as it flowed in the air, and I began to truly appreciate the way that my heritage was being expressed through dance.
With my newly found appreciation for Folklorico, I gained more motivation to practice more in order to improve my dancing. I began by learning the footwork and slowly incorporating skirt work, and little by little I began to improve. I went to extra classes and stayed after practice to get more help. My older classmates helped me tremendously with the footsteps by teaching me how important it was to bend my knees in order to get better balance and help with faster footwork. Once I was able to get the steps down, I began to incorporate skirt work into my routine. This was the most difficult part for me because I had to count the beats in my head, ensure my footwork was right, and then also move my arms in a specific pattern depending on the song. The skirt work and counting the beats was more difficult for others to teach me because it was something I just had to practice on my own. So, in order to master this skill, I began practicing everywhere. I practiced in my room, in my front yard, at family parties, and even while grocery shopping with my family. Needless to say my family was not pleased with the attention that got. As I continued practicing, I realized that Folklorico wasn’t as difficult as I made it out to be in my mind. Although I wasn’t completely literate in dancing yet, I was slowly building towards it as I practiced.
I happily posed for a picture alongside my friends following a performance in our cultural outfits. (picture was taken by Monica Hubanks)
The dance studio that I attended was very small and family oriented. This meant that performances were not made to be perfect, but instead were made to be fun for those participating and a fun treat for our families. My first performance came and went quickly. Most of the people who participated had not performed before and were equally as nervous as I was. There were extensive dress rehearsals to ensure that we knew where to go and what to do when it came time for the performance. At this time I was still a very young age as were those around me, so we were required to have an older member lead us to our positions and dance with us on stage so that we wouldn’t forget the steps and skirt work.
The day of the performance was chaotic, everyone was running around backstage worried they forgot a dress or hairpiece. I felt extremely overwhelmed by the amount of noise and people crowded in such a small room. I was beginning to get nervous as my performance time edged closer, the tight ballerina bun my mom made was suddenly excruciatingly tight, and the heavy makeup caked on my face felt as if it was melting off from my nervous sweating. However, as soon as I stepped on stage, everything that had made me nervous seemed to disappear. It felt as if I belonged on stage, a feeling that was hard to comprehend at such a young age, but I knew even then that performing, and dancing was going to be something very special to me. It was a magical feeling being able to stand on stage and feel a rush of endorphins as people clapped and cheered, validating that my hard work was paying off. I felt pride being able to look out into the crowd and have everyone cheer for me, a girl that was shy and soft-spoken girl everywhere except the stage. This performance enhanced the feeling of wanting to keep learning and get better at dancing, which started my path to being advanced in Folkloric dancing.
The dance studio that I attended was very small and family oriented. This meant that performances were not made to be perfect, but instead were made to be fun for those participating and a fun treat for our families. My first performance came and went quickly. Most of the people who participated had not performed before and were equally as nervous as I was. There were extensive dress rehearsals to ensure that we knew where to go and what to do when it came time for the performance. At this time I was still a very young age as were those around me, so we were required to have an older member lead us to our positions and dance with us on stage so that we wouldn’t forget the steps and skirt work.
The day of the performance was chaotic, everyone was running around backstage worried they forgot a dress or hairpiece. I felt extremely overwhelmed by the amount of noise and people crowded in such a small room. I was beginning to get nervous as my performance time edged closer, the tight ballerina bun my mom made was suddenly excruciatingly tight, and the heavy makeup caked on my face felt as if it was melting off from my nervous sweating. However, as soon as I stepped on stage, everything that had made me nervous seemed to disappear. It felt as if I belonged on stage, a feeling that was hard to comprehend at such a young age, but I knew even then that performing, and dancing was going to be something very special to me. It was a magical feeling being able to stand on stage and feel a rush of endorphins as people clapped and cheered, validating that my hard work was paying off. I felt pride being able to look out into the crowd and have everyone cheer for me, a girl that was shy and soft-spoken girl everywhere except the stage. This performance enhanced the feeling of wanting to keep learning and get better at dancing, which started my path to being advanced in Folkloric dancing.
My group and I embraced happily after a long dance practice, showing our strong friendship. (Picture was taken by Maria Munos)
As I got older I began to realize that the people I was meeting in class were not only my partners but my lifelong friends. Everyone in my class had become a second family to me, we bonded over our mutual love for the culture and joy that Folklorico brought to us. Many times, I wanted to quit, either because I had no time or because I thought that it wasn’t a norm that other high schoolers did. It was around this time that I began my battle with anxiety and depression, making living my life a lot harder than it should’ve been for someone my age. This highly impacted my relationship with dance because all of the feelings from before came back. I no longer felt like I could be good enough, I didn’t think I could advance let alone perform in front of an audience that could see any little mistake I made. But every time I would miss practice due to my negative thoughts taking over, I began to miss all of my friends and the feeling of happiness that overcame me when I danced. My parents had always taught me that when I start something I had to finish it, and with that thought in mind, I gained the courage to go to one of the dance practices to simply see if my happiness was still there. When I arrived, I was bombarded by hugs from all of my friends, we began dancing and all of my worries seemed to evaporate into thin air. Without them knowing, my friends singlehandedly made me love my life again. I realized that my friendships gave me the strength to keep dancing even when I felt as if it wasn’t meant for me anymore. It was never anything they told me or anything we did together, it was simply the way that they were able to make me feel happy, just as dancing was able to do. After this practice, I decided that I couldn’t give up dancing, it meant too much to me and it gave me too much happiness to leave behind. I was never a person of many friends due to being so shy, but dance helped me gain my confidence and helped me overcome the hardships that life threw at me.
As I got older I began to realize that the people I was meeting in class were not only my partners but my lifelong friends. Everyone in my class had become a second family to me, we bonded over our mutual love for the culture and joy that Folklorico brought to us. Many times, I wanted to quit, either because I had no time or because I thought that it wasn’t a norm that other high schoolers did. It was around this time that I began my battle with anxiety and depression, making living my life a lot harder than it should’ve been for someone my age. This highly impacted my relationship with dance because all of the feelings from before came back. I no longer felt like I could be good enough, I didn’t think I could advance let alone perform in front of an audience that could see any little mistake I made. But every time I would miss practice due to my negative thoughts taking over, I began to miss all of my friends and the feeling of happiness that overcame me when I danced. My parents had always taught me that when I start something I had to finish it, and with that thought in mind, I gained the courage to go to one of the dance practices to simply see if my happiness was still there. When I arrived, I was bombarded by hugs from all of my friends, we began dancing and all of my worries seemed to evaporate into thin air. Without them knowing, my friends singlehandedly made me love my life again. I realized that my friendships gave me the strength to keep dancing even when I felt as if it wasn’t meant for me anymore. It was never anything they told me or anything we did together, it was simply the way that they were able to make me feel happy, just as dancing was able to do. After this practice, I decided that I couldn’t give up dancing, it meant too much to me and it gave me too much happiness to leave behind. I was never a person of many friends due to being so shy, but dance helped me gain my confidence and helped me overcome the hardships that life threw at me.
I smiled happily as I danced in a country inspired outfit for the TV show Telemundo for a Dia De Los Muertos performance. (Picture was taken by Maria)
Dancing not only helped me with friendships, but it also helped me by giving me a creative outlet. Most people have a way of destressing whether that be writing, listening to music, or simply talking to a friend, but I was unable to let out the same emotions through these actions that dancing allowed me to do. Around the age of thirteen, my anxiety got noticeably worse, and I began to exhibit symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, this caused me to have a lot of built up anger and sadness that I had no way of expressing. So, once again I turned to dancing to help me exert my feelings in a positive way. Dancing gave me a way to forget everything that was happening in the outside world and just focus on something I loved. Being able to get away from the stresses of the world through dance is something I consider unique because I am able to be a different version of myself; a carefree, happy, and outgoing version, something I never believed was possible.
Dancing not only helped me with friendships, but it also helped me by giving me a creative outlet. Most people have a way of destressing whether that be writing, listening to music, or simply talking to a friend, but I was unable to let out the same emotions through these actions that dancing allowed me to do. Around the age of thirteen, my anxiety got noticeably worse, and I began to exhibit symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, this caused me to have a lot of built up anger and sadness that I had no way of expressing. So, once again I turned to dancing to help me exert my feelings in a positive way. Dancing gave me a way to forget everything that was happening in the outside world and just focus on something I loved. Being able to get away from the stresses of the world through dance is something I consider unique because I am able to be a different version of myself; a carefree, happy, and outgoing version, something I never believed was possible.
Happily, my group and I posed for a picture in our colorful dresses for my last Dia De Los Muertos performance. Our faces were painted to look like sugar skulls and we had on plain white dresses with a colorful shawl. (Picture was taken by Consuelo)
As the years went by, I fell in love with dancing more and more. I enjoyed the happiness it brought to me and all the friendships I made through it. Once I received my acceptance letter from UC Davis I knew I would soon have to say goodbye to something I loved deeply. Every practice brought me closer to the end, and I dreaded every second. Soon enough, my last performance came. My family and friends watched as I performed songs from the regions Jalisco, Sinaloa, and Baja California Norte. I felt extremely grateful to be sharing my last performance with the lifelong friends I had made.
Eventually, the time came for me to move away from home to attend UC Davis. My first quarter became very difficult, I didn’t have any friends and I didn’t know where I belonged. I began to find myself falling into my depression once again and my anxiety skyrocketed. I fell into a routine of going to class, doing homework, and then doing it all over the next day, whicb is not very exciting, I know. I realized I was losing myself so I began to research different clubs that piqued my interest in order to try and survive my first year of college. Finally, I found Danzantes Del Alma, a Folklorico group on campus. It took a lot of courage to go to a new group, but eventually I attended a practice and realized what I had been missing. From the very first practice there I knew I had found my place. Although I still miss all of my friends back home, I know that dancing, no matter where it is, will give me the same joy and friendships as it always did. Dance is not only a hobby, but it is also who I am, and without it, I am lost.
As the years went by, I fell in love with dancing more and more. I enjoyed the happiness it brought to me and all the friendships I made through it. Once I received my acceptance letter from UC Davis I knew I would soon have to say goodbye to something I loved deeply. Every practice brought me closer to the end, and I dreaded every second. Soon enough, my last performance came. My family and friends watched as I performed songs from the regions Jalisco, Sinaloa, and Baja California Norte. I felt extremely grateful to be sharing my last performance with the lifelong friends I had made.
Eventually, the time came for me to move away from home to attend UC Davis. My first quarter became very difficult, I didn’t have any friends and I didn’t know where I belonged. I began to find myself falling into my depression once again and my anxiety skyrocketed. I fell into a routine of going to class, doing homework, and then doing it all over the next day, whicb is not very exciting, I know. I realized I was losing myself so I began to research different clubs that piqued my interest in order to try and survive my first year of college. Finally, I found Danzantes Del Alma, a Folklorico group on campus. It took a lot of courage to go to a new group, but eventually I attended a practice and realized what I had been missing. From the very first practice there I knew I had found my place. Although I still miss all of my friends back home, I know that dancing, no matter where it is, will give me the same joy and friendships as it always did. Dance is not only a hobby, but it is also who I am, and without it, I am lost.